~ DisTanCe ~

* Listening to your voice is the second best thing for now since
holding you is out of the question *

~ Memories of 2 Wonderful Women.. ~

Gosh its been such a long time since I read this edit post. Sometimes it feels surreal..
I wrote this post a long time ago but as I had just read a post by Nuraina A Samad of Takziah to her friend's son who just passed then I decided to just post it and get it out of my list of posts.
The post is quite outdated.. Wish I could say the same for the pain though.

This year is quite the opposite of what I had in mind.. Since the year 2010 is in I thought it would be a joyous year for me, my family and B. But tragedy in life had followed. I've lost 2 most important woman in my life whom one I was suppose to have a future with and the other hold my past. I lost Aunty Asnah who is B's mum in December and my dearest grandmother in January. Losing Aunty is totally heart breaking as I didnt get to know her as well as I wanted to and I didn't get to visit her when she was in the hospital since I'm in Pangkor and December was a totally manic month since its the school holidays. Thank god I get to meet my grandma before she passes after Aunty's funeral and I'm happy that God had taken Atuk as she was suffering.

Looking back..
I met Aunty out of false pretences as B had tricked me by stopping at his house before going on our date. The first time he did that I felt like killing him. I mean.. Hello!! its scary ok..
My heart was beating like nobody's business and I felt like I'm gonna faint. So I was in the living room waiting for aunty to come down. I called my bestie and she told me not to panicked and just be myself and try to be casual.
So the moment came!! Suddenly I can see Aunty coming down the stairs wearing her 'baju kelawar' and I stood up so that I can greet her.

Following my bestie's advice.. which is being myself.. I automatically said in my most cheerful voice ( mind you which is quite high-pitched) " Hai Aunty!! " and she just smiled. Huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... I suddenly realize.. Shittttttt.. Ade ke patut cakap Hai.. Cakap ar Asmekum ker.. Sopan r skit.. Dah la casual.. Cheery sangat lak tuh.... Huuuuuwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... Mesti kena strike one.. Giler sedey..

Anyway.. my mum always said that I shouldn't meet my boyfriends family as my mum actually are quite the conservative. But I'm really glad B had tricked me as I got to know her a little bit even if for a short span of time. Her passing hurts and I wish it didn't happen but I guess God knows whats best even if whats best hurts us.

As for looking back and thinking bout the memories of Atuk when I was little... Hahahaha.. Selalu kena sebat or memories of her screaming at me.. I feel sorry for her though as she got a little devil as her grandchild. Mana la orang tua tuh tak marah..

Dekat rumah Aulong, Atuk ade kolah besar which is kind of like a little swimming pool. So one fine day, my aunty's grandma came to our house and talked about mandi bunga since one of my uncle wasn't married yet at the time. I think I was about 7 years old at the time and for a 7 years old girl that sound like a fun thing to do. So I went out and gathered a lot of Atuk's flowers *dah ade point nak kena marah tue* and put it in the 'swimming pool'. Happily I was swimming and playing with the flowers.. Siap scrub diri dengan the flowers and then I heard it.. " Melissa.. Awat duk kat dalam bilik air tuh lama sangat.. Bunyi air nyer takde. Cepat -cepat.. Banyak lagi orang nak mandi nih" So I got out of the pool and gathered all the flowers and took my express shower so that Atuk will hear the sound of water splashing.

So when I'm done I opened up the door to peep whether she's waiting outside and I can see that the line is clear. Got out of the bathroom as fast as I can with flowers in my hand to throw it out before she sees it. Hmmmmmmmm... Yeah Right!!! Suddenly I saw her lurking behind the closet with a furious face. Oppppssssssssss.. and the rest is history. But the good news is that... Since I kind of contaminated the water, Atuk let me play in the pool again with a promise not to ever to that again. Hehehehe.. And I kept that promise.

Nights like this makes me miss her a lot. It doesn't help that I'm listening to Aizat's song Pergi. On a happy note I will always thank God for letting me be with her all this time and not forgeting the time I get to spend with her on her last few weeks before she passes. It was a sad day as both me and ngah2 was crying beside her bed whilst feeding her as I know deep in my heart that this will be the last time and that she'll be taken away from us soon. And He did..

Al-Fatihah

~ Recovering Mode ~

I AM SELFISH!!! SO WATZ UR PROBLEM!!!!

* dedicated to my dearest roomie... bwwwwuuuuueeeeeeekkkkkk*

I know you mean well.. but I'm in my psychotic stage.. huhuhu..
Thanx for trying to keep me sane even if I don't agree with what you have to say...
( kata tengah psychotic.. huhuhu)

~ Bruises.. ~

I hate it when you go away as I had so much fun this weekend.. Wishing that weekends are longer than 2 days.. I hate Sundays the most as I know that is when it ends.. Thats why its called the weekends right... URGHHHHHH..... HATE IT!! HATE IT!! HATE IT!!!

Can't wait for next weekend that I'd get to spend with B.. Even if our date is not the regular date that most couples have. Anything goes as long as I get to spend time with B even if getting a bruised knee is the end result.. not forgetting my sore arms and legs.. Thanks to your new love for paintball..

Re-Run SUX when Hormones Strikes..

Looking at the title it just feel like we're goin through the past over and over again. I suddenly feel very angry bout the ending of Sex & d City. I'm watching the re-run on HBO where she is still with Aiden and cheating on him with STUPID BIG. How Carrie marries Big instead of sweet sweet Aiden. Why can't she move on??? Why does she go back to Big in the end of the story. WHY??!!! URGGGHHHHHH!!! STRESS!! Suddenly I'm thinking that is not the happy ending that I want for Carrie. I want her with somebody new that is sweet like Aiden and as charming as Big. I know love is not logic but still.. Give those who is single to rely and hope on meeting a new guy instead of rewinding back to their past.

NO BEB!!! I'm not thinking bout my past.. Hahaha.. This have nothing to do with it. If it has.. Confirm you'll hear bout it straight away k.. Was just thinking.. how some people don't move on and its sad and pathetic. Guess they didnt get the closure that they needed. Too bad then..

Anyway... blame it on the hormones.. I guess I'm getting psychotic on something other than bout my life. Crazy you say.. Yuppp.. I know..

~ Grow UP DADDY!!!! ~

I hate my dad!!! yesssss.... i hate him right now.. Iknow hate is such a strong word.. But its all pent up anger that I'm feeling right now.

Just because he hates weddings... n now I can't even go to lynn's house earlier since he is so selfish. What's wrong if I do go earlier? Its not like I'm going there for a month or something.. Some more have the cheeks to tell people that he want's me to travel to German to stay with his friends.. You know and I know just how true that statement is.. Come on man... You're not the most down to earth and flexible father ok!!! So don't try to tell people how good or supporting you are... Coz face the facts... YOU'RE NOT!!!

Yeah yeah!!! Some of you might say.. That's what father's do.. Because they love you so much.. Does your father do that to you then? Does it mean that your father love you less? Come on.. Tell me.. How do I talk to him when he doesn't even listen and think rationally? What he wants is that I'll be around him all the time. Hello!!! Get a grip.. I won't be around you all the time so you've got to learn to let me go. I'm gonna get married and that phase is coming soon. I know you love me so much and I'm thankful that you do.. But please... please.. Try to be more understanding.. Its not like I'm going for a long time.. I'm going for 5 days tops..

~ Up and Down ~

Lets start with the bad news in my life right now..
Raya is just a few weeks away and I got a call from my brother saying that our house got robbed yet AGAIN.. Even though there is nothing much to take since the robber from the first round took almost everything.. I still hate it that somebody is going through all my private stuff. I haven't seen my room but I can picture it that they've left quite a mess.


I don't really care if they took my other jewelry but the first robbers took my precious locket. I haven't even wore it. I bought it at an antique shop when I was 11 and vow to only wear it on my wedding day. Its just a simple locket but it means a great deal to me. Hell.. I've been saving it for 14 years and my dream of wearing that locket is just gone with the wind. So on my wedding day I would only be wearing my boring ring... HUWAAAAAAA... Damn you robbers!!!!



On a happy note..
Since that incident.. I went back to Pangkor early to be with my family. It was fun breakfasting with them and this is the first year we had our puasa in Pangkor. Quite a different as I didn't get to roam around PARAM(Pasar Ramadhan) but instead I'm stuck in the kitchen cooking with mummy. Not saying that it's a bad thing but I want my freedom to go gugu gaga over all the food and buy my favourite cendol instead of trying to make one.. huhuhu.. Gosh I miss going to PARAM with Jasmin and our occasional cuci mata.. hehehe.. That was fun.. Anyway.. What a different route my life is taking me.. Its different yet it is fun.. But I do miss my occasional routine life. Guess a boring routine life is not meant for me then.


Another happy note is that I just celebrated my 1 year and 6 months anniversary... I know.. I know.. Kinda blowing it out of proportion since its only 1 and half year. As usual B would forget and I take it as one of his major flaws which I'm fine with.. ( I think..) But he'll make it up on his other good traits like giving me suprises on our last monthlyversary.


We went to the Melacca Acoustic Fender Festival and our friend's band was invited to play a gig there. I've been to the festival 3 years in a row and I feel like a groupie. Hehehe.... After having our dinner, the guys when our for a smoke but after an hour B didn't come back to the table and kept lepaking outside. Like HELLO!!! We came to this festival together and he ditches me.. Geram nyer!!! So I went outside and he was still smoking and I pinched me for leaving me inside for so long. He gave me his camera bag and said that he need to go to the bathroom.. "La pulak.. Duduk kat luar punya lama baru nak pegi toilet... Nih yang nak membebel nih..." By the time he got back, it was just nice that it was Sunburst's turn to take the stage. Since B wanted me to take a video of the band we went infront hiding behind the pillar so that we wont block other people's view. Intan was a nervous wreck because when she sang 'Lucky' with Aslam she didn't even smile and her face was so straight. It was so funny.. But she did a good job and can't wait for more performances by her and the band in the future.

Suddenly Aslam was inviting another person on stage. That's weird.. Who else is gonna be singing. The next thing I knew is that he was calling the guy who have been taking photos for them and when I turned to look at B he was smiling and blushing and was walking towards the stage.. OH MY GOD!!! B!!! Then Berg was standing next to me whistling as if innocence abis la kan.. and Intan was saying this is B's suprise for me.. OH MY GOD!!! The funny thing was that when B went on stage he was looking for the lyrics.. Sabar jer la.. hahahaha.. He sang Plain White T's song which is 1 2 3 4..

( going 2 be in my pukey moment now.. )
B looked so cute and the best thing is that he actually sang it for me because he didn't really looked at the audience much.. Especially when B is singing the chorus.. He kept looking at me and I feel like going up on stage and just hugged him really tight.. Huwaaaaa.. I could feel that my face was really hot since I was blushing so badly and I couldn't stop smiling..

By the time, B came down I smack him because he kept it from me.. I know.. I know.. It was supposed to be a suprise but still I could have gotten a heart attack for being too happy.. hehehe
The reason why he ditch me that night is because he was so nervous and even more nervous since he didn't memorize the whole lyric. Kesian B kena marah.. oooppppssssss.. sorry B.. And it turns out that he came to Melacca early because he thought there was going to be a sound check but it turns out that its been cancelled to the next day. Dah ar kesian kat B since he can't do the sound check the next day since I was around. And the other day he even lied to me saying that he was sleeping the whole night padahal tengah jamming... Sabar jer r.. Tipu....
Thanks so much to all who participated towards giving me a suprise.. Yes!! I loved the suprise.. It was totally out of this world..